Posted by: topher274 | September 30, 2008

Attachment and Separation

My life

My whirlwind tour has come to an end after about two and a half weeks. It is truly the blessedness of life to be in so many life-giving relationships. Where did these people come from? How did we come to love each other so much? Why must we part ways? I just don’t know.

Attachment and separation. Attachment and separation. It seems to be a theme in my life, and I don’t quite know what to do about it. I truly desire to grow in mature love with those whom Jesus has given me, but physical distance seems to grow among us.

Leaving Houghton and leaving Kansas City were events of different kind. In Houghton, it was impossible to stay – the community there simply ceased to be as we exploded into a worldwide diaspora, with a notable ghetto in Buffalo. It was a violent transition, leaving Houghton – rather like a birthing from the safety of the womb to the harsh lines, bright lights and loud noises of the outer world.

Leaving Kansas City was a decision. A kind of challenge to my mantra, that nothing is more important to me than relationships and authentic community. Though I still believe this to be true, I cannot escape that nagging feeling that, in a mixing of the desires to get out of debt, to grow in maturity, to grow in skills, I am destined for great things. Is this some kind of male ambition? Is this some kind of God-given call on my life? Only many years hence do I have any hope for clarity concerning these tremulous twenties.

The thrill of the newness of life and relationships to come fuels my heart with anticipation and hope and happiness, while the pain of separation leaves an abiding sadness. Having returned from this trip, seeing so many whom I love so dearly does not relieve this pain but rather makes it more acute. The community and friendship I so desire is scattered in a dozen cities across America and the world.

This perhaps is one thing that so gives me hope about the age to come. There are days coming when the pain of separation will be no more. When I will truly be able to share my life together and my heart flow with love unhindered. I cannot imagine a greater fate for my life than the one Jesus has already dreamed, envisioned, and has begun to lead us all through. To me, you are all worth it, oh dear friends of mine. Thank you so much for sticking with me in heart.

As the body of Christ, and as a community of love, we truly belong to each other.



  1. well said.

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